even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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