Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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