Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize