So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You can't just leave with hair like that
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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