sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize