piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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