Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize