Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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