just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize