True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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