Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize