He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My liver just broke up with me...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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