mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize