I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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