it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I am naked and annoyed.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize