She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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