i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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