Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize