CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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