theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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