Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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