Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio

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  (617): I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio http://tfl.nu/knlp
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me

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  (203): my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me http://tfl.nu/4hqg
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.

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  (225): Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess. http://tfl.nu/8pax
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."

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  (513): she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it." http://tfl.nu/fqo2
  Replies (11) Good night (5860) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet

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  (315): can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet http://tfl.nu/ofc9
  Replies (13) Good night (4778) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.

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  (678): I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice. http://tfl.nu/ukpc
  Replies (17) Good night (1225) Bad night (4579) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.

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  (573): I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn. http://tfl.nu/8enu
  Replies (13) Good night (725) Bad night (3894) Order T-Shirt
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.

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  (480): I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts. http://tfl.nu/t2zp
  Replies (32) Good night (727) Bad night (7838) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink

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  (210): I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink http://tfl.nu/9ici
  Replies (9) Good night (7943) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

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  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39619) Bad night (1606) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,

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  (412): Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage, http://tfl.nu/ten2
  Replies (15) Good night (4428) Bad night (775)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.

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  (817): Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes. http://tfl.nu/hziw
  Replies (10) Good night (2508) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.

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  (250): I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk. http://tfl.nu/fti6
  Replies (9) Good night (2871) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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  (732): Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore. http://tfl.nu/0dve
  Replies (25) Good night (1310) Bad night (2936) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.

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  (816): If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide. http://tfl.nu/28e3
  Replies (8) Good night (377) Bad night (736)

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