you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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