Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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