I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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