now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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