I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
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I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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