just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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