Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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