PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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