We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize