The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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