I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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