just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize