oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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