I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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