She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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