Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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