The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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