I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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