The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
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Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize