Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize