Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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