just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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