Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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