True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize