Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize