i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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