I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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