Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
NoShamevember. You game?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize